A Final Chapter

wlyon · 05-29-2012, 09:26 PM

Thank you all very much for your kind words and prayers.

I recently submitted this to our local paper. Thought I would print it here. There's advice here I wish I had always followed. For the majority of you, it's not too late. Anyway, for whatever it's worth:

We recently lost a beloved daughter at the age of 50 very suddenly from a massive infection. It is difficult to describe what losing a son or daughter is like. Only those who have experienced such a loss know the amount and intensity of the grief. I hope and pray none of you will ever have to know it.

Our daughter was a very special person. She was a thoughtful and loving woman of whom we were and are very proud. When one loses a son or daughter, along with the intense grief, we also have regrets. We think about the times we should have called but didn’t and the times we should have visited them but didn’t, along with the excuses we had for not doing so.

Whenever I was on the phone with Kathy, which was not frequently enough, I always ended with “love you, Kid” and in return I heard “love you too, Dad.” I wish I could explain what this means now.

If you have children at home, give them an extra hug and kiss. Tell them how much you love them. If they are older and have left home, call them today and let them know how much you love them. Visit them as often as possible. Do not use the normal excuses of “who will mow and water the lawn, who will take care of the pets/livestock,” etc. These things are meaningless. And always let them know how much they are loved. Some day both of you will be glad you did.

MFC · 05-29-2012, 09:40 PM

Bill,
Thank you for sharing this letter with us. My 12 year old son will get an extra hug tonight.

GySgt1811 · 05-29-2012, 09:44 PM

Thank you, Bill. My 36 year old daughter in Sioux Falls will get a phone call tonight. God bless you and keep you and your family in the hollow of His hand.

Gunny John

Mike B · 05-29-2012, 10:08 PM

Bill,
Wonderfully said; We have three sons and eight grandchildren. I have never experienced the loss that you did. Your words tonight did hit home. I have one son who lives only 5-6 miles from my wife and I, but we visit too seldom. My second son is in Texas, 250 miles away. He is deaf. We communicate by instant message and text. My youngest son is many miles from Louisiana. He is a law professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey. Communication is a bit less frequent with him, but as with all the rest, we are a very happy family. Thanks for the wonderful words, Bill.

Mike

padredan · 05-29-2012, 10:55 PM

Mr Bill You and your family will continue to be in my prayers, This past week my son's mother died suddenly at age 60 and it came as a big shock to all of us.
she was a very good and kind person, we had devorced over twenty years ago but i still had feelings for her and hated to loose her. After the death of my father in 1992 she wrote me and in the letter she closed with" It is hard to give up someone you love,but God knows best . Judy" those words of hers seem to bring comfort to many including my son. All my best Padre Dan

wlyon · 05-30-2012, 12:09 AM

Dan
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Bill

b0xcrash · 05-30-2012, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by padredan

Mr Bill You and your family will continue to be in my prayers, This past week my son's mother died suddenly at age 60 and it came as a big shock to all of us.
she was a very good and kind person, we had devorced over twenty years ago but i still had feelings for her and hated to loose her. After the death of my father in 1992 she wrote me and in the letter she closed with" It is hard to give up someone you love,but God knows best . Judy" those words of hers seem to bring comfort to many including my son. All my best Padre Dan

Sorry for you loss Dan. Still can be tough to deal with.

So true Bill and well spoken.
I have a 7 year old and I have made a special point since he was born to show him love and hugs. I tell him I love him all the time, probably to most what would be an excessive amount.

I do this because I prefer to have no regrets in this area, and grew up in a very strict and proud household. I can honestly say I never remember hearing my Dad say I love you to me, just because. I can never remember getting a hug from him either. Shaking hands was the utmost show of expression between us. Even when I told him goodnight as a very young child, we shook hands.
As a result I have trouble beyond the average man expressing my emotions and showing any affection.(as most men do)

I may not be able to financially provide him with a stress free future.
But the nice thing is loving your kids is free...setting aside our pride and face, then being the parent in the relationship and mending disagreements is also monetarily free.

ithacaartist · 05-30-2012, 01:48 PM

Bill,
I'm sure all can connect with your experience, if only by extrapolation. Thanks again for posting to share your grief. I hope we helped ease the burden and pain. Although "I feel your anguish, Brother." does not seem adequate, it is nonetheless true. You have given us all pause for thought about ourselves and those we love.

I'll bet that most who read your first announcement weeks ago took something good away from the experience along the lines of your suggestions today. For example, the vacation I took with my sons last month will now be at least an annual tradition for us. My younger lives close by, the elder is 7 hrs' drive away in Ohio. We know tomorrow is promised to no one and that we'd better make the best of it while we're here--right now.

05-29-2012, 09:26 PM	#1
wlyon Lifer 2X Lifetime Forum Patron Join Date: May 2005 Location: Somewhere in Montana Posts: 2,633 Thanks: 3,173 Thanked 2,555 Times in 954 Posts	A Final Chapter Thank you all very much for your kind words and prayers. I recently submitted this to our local paper. Thought I would print it here. There's advice here I wish I had always followed. For the majority of you, it's not too late. Anyway, for whatever it's worth: We recently lost a beloved daughter at the age of 50 very suddenly from a massive infection. It is difficult to describe what losing a son or daughter is like. Only those who have experienced such a loss know the amount and intensity of the grief. I hope and pray none of you will ever have to know it. Our daughter was a very special person. She was a thoughtful and loving woman of whom we were and are very proud. When one loses a son or daughter, along with the intense grief, we also have regrets. We think about the times we should have called but didn’t and the times we should have visited them but didn’t, along with the excuses we had for not doing so. Whenever I was on the phone with Kathy, which was not frequently enough, I always ended with “love you, Kid” and in return I heard “love you too, Dad.” I wish I could explain what this means now. If you have children at home, give them an extra hug and kiss. Tell them how much you love them. If they are older and have left home, call them today and let them know how much you love them. Visit them as often as possible. Do not use the normal excuses of “who will mow and water the lawn, who will take care of the pets/livestock,” etc. These things are meaningless. And always let them know how much they are loved. Some day both of you will be glad you did. __________________ Bill Lyon

05-29-2012, 09:40 PM	#2
MFC User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 1,237 Thanks: 183 Thanked 281 Times in 162 Posts	Bill, Thank you for sharing this letter with us. My 12 year old son will get an extra hug tonight. __________________ Mike C.

05-29-2012, 10:55 PM	#5
padredan User Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: louisiana Now, but from the Rebublic of Texas Posts: 937 Thanks: 429 Thanked 316 Times in 182 Posts	Mr Bill You and your family will continue to be in my prayers, This past week my son's mother died suddenly at age 60 and it came as a big shock to all of us. she was a very good and kind person, we had devorced over twenty years ago but i still had feelings for her and hated to loose her. After the death of my father in 1992 she wrote me and in the letter she closed with" It is hard to give up someone you love,but God knows best . Judy" those words of hers seem to bring comfort to many including my son. All my best Padre Dan __________________ In this world nothing is free, except the grace of God

05-30-2012, 12:09 AM	#6
wlyon Lifer 2X Lifetime Forum Patron Join Date: May 2005 Location: Somewhere in Montana Posts: 2,633 Thanks: 3,173 Thanked 2,555 Times in 954 Posts	Dan My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Bill __________________ Bill Lyon

05-29-2012, 09:44 PM	#3
GySgt1811 Patron LugerForum Patron Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Southern Indiana Posts: 237 Thanks: 1,238 Thanked 126 Times in 84 Posts	Thank you, Bill. My 36 year old daughter in Sioux Falls will get a phone call tonight. God bless you and keep you and your family in the hollow of His hand. Gunny John

05-29-2012, 10:08 PM	#4
Mike B Lifer Lifetime Forum Patron Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: South Louisiana Posts: 979 Thanks: 1 Thanked 271 Times in 99 Posts	Bill, Wonderfully said; We have three sons and eight grandchildren. I have never experienced the loss that you did. Your words tonight did hit home. I have one son who lives only 5-6 miles from my wife and I, but we visit too seldom. My second son is in Texas, 250 miles away. He is deaf. We communicate by instant message and text. My youngest son is many miles from Louisiana. He is a law professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey. Communication is a bit less frequent with him, but as with all the rest, we are a very happy family. Thanks for the wonderful words, Bill. Mike

05-30-2012, 01:48 PM	#8
ithacaartist Twice a Lifer Lifetime Forum Patron Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Atop the highest hill in Schuyler County NY Posts: 3,339 Thanks: 7,263 Thanked 2,564 Times in 1,362 Posts	Bill, I'm sure all can connect with your experience, if only by extrapolation. Thanks again for posting to share your grief. I hope we helped ease the burden and pain. Although "I feel your anguish, Brother." does not seem adequate, it is nonetheless true. You have given us all pause for thought about ourselves and those we love. I'll bet that most who read your first announcement weeks ago took something good away from the experience along the lines of your suggestions today. For example, the vacation I took with my sons last month will now be at least an annual tradition for us. My younger lives close by, the elder is 7 hrs' drive away in Ohio. We know tomorrow is promised to no one and that we'd better make the best of it while we're here--right now.