More than 50 years ago I sent off for a certificate appointing me a Colonel in the Confederate Army. It had my name on it and a well thought-out presentation paragraph. It was on parchment, signed by a couple of cleverly named officials, complete with embossed gold seals, and about the only part I recall was a comment that I was now "squattin' in high cotton". At the time that went right over my head but my father found it amusing.
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