[Ron Smith]

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

I've heard this one before and my answer is: I don't recall seeing any Rugby players who were 6'5", weighed 375 lbs, could cover 50yds in 4.5 seconds and hit you like a freight train. I think the match would be over in short order. And the emergency room would be stressed.